Recently Extinct: Kevin Burdick

Not long ago I was at a local bar to hear some live music. While I was there, I had the pleasure of bumping into a douche bag. Now, I'm not one to judge people quickly...Wait, actually, yes I am. Yeah, this guy was definitely GRADE A Douche Bag. He was fourtysomething, shiny-faced from too much tanning and maybe plastic surgery, wearing jeans with bedazzled pockets and a leather jacket.

He came up and sat down between me and a random girl on a couch, shot me a wink, then her. Then looks over his shoulder to his buddy giving a "thumbs up" toward me and then toward her like he was hanging out at a Helen Keller convention and neither of us would notice his gesture.

He proceeds with his douchey antics for a couple of songs. Another sign of douchedom is loud "WHOOOOTING" after a song...especially a quiet, acoustic number.

The band starts kind of mocking him, he doesn't realize it. "Hey, you having a good time?" they ask. "I AM NOW! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" he shouts with both arms raised above his head. The rest of the audience rolls their eyes...

Well, luckily after a couple of songs, he takes himself and his sparkly jeans to another location in the bar never to be heard from again.

A few days later, I'm looking at some photos that were linked to the band's Twitter profile and see Captain Douche Bag in one of the pictures. Well, I can't resist, I have to click on this clown's name and learn more about him.

Turns out he's a musician himself. Really? So I read his Wikipedia page, which he obviously wrote himself since it is longer than Mozart's Wikipedia page and details his activity since the 3rd Tuesday of February 1972.

The more I read, the funnier it gets. Maybe despite his outwardly doucheyness he is a wonderful musician... I must not keep myself from the discovery so I have a listen.

Wahahahahahahahahahhhhhhhahahahahhahahha. If I'd been drinking milk, I'd have spit it out of my nose. Wow, super bad. Have I mentioned by now that the dude I'm describing is Kevin Burdick? Oh, well it is.

His Wikipedia profile claims he is a talented pianist...I think that is obvious in his music. Truly, some of the melodies aren't bad. Not everyone is into piano music, but it's not bad. The problem is that the lyrics are lame, overly simple, predictable, did I say lame? Oh, I did. Well, they are.

Now don't get me wrong -- There are probably some Yanni, David Hasselhoff, and John Tesh fans out there looking for someone new. You're welcome. Maybe you need a stocking stuffer for your Grandma for Christmas? Let me know, I'm the "proud" owner of an autographed CD he sent me that I can share with you. (Which means GIVE TO YOU since I don't want it.)

Now, if you are really a glutton for punishment or just don't trust my opinion... feel free to check him out. Follow his "Fan Club" on Twitter, they frequently give away free CDs. By the way, I'm suspicious he is the president and possibly the entire membership of his fan club.